My Faith: Learning to Develop It

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I used to think I had faith…I know I don’t have enough trust….But it’s the faith in which I’m really lacking. Last Sunday at church, our pastor brought up a good point. In the bible there were two men who were blind who were seeking Jesus for healing. He told them “according to your faith, be it done unto you.” I thought “No wonder I haven’t had a complete deliverance or healing yet.” According to my faith, be it done unto me…. Apparently, I must not have too much faith because I still suffer bipolar disorder, anxiety, ADD, arthritis, suicidal tendencies (which I think I have actually been delivered from now praise God!) and generational cancer runs in my family ( I don’t have it but I’m afraid… I know I know… God Hath Not Given Me a Spirit of Fear…) all these afflictions, but I lack the faith to let God do his job in my life. I keep trying to take over when I doubt. You see, God isn’t necessarily moved by our afflictions and pains and agonies in this life, for many of them we have brought upon ourselves. If I were to get lung cancer today, I would have no one to blame but me, even though I laid my cigarettes down last week. When you get a headache from lack of sleep, whose fault is that? Not God’s! When a loved one dies because they were drinking and driving, or is injured because they were on drugs and trying to drive, who is to blame? God is moved by our faith. Our faith in God is what moves God to move, does that make sense?

Once I realized this, I hit the altar, asking God to give me more faith, praying, pleading for more trust, for God to use me in whatever way he sees fit. And right now as I write this, God speaks to me in my spirit saying that in the Bible it says “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of CHRIST.” So to gain faith I must read and listen to the word preached and taught to gain knowledge and understanding. Praise God for this revelation, for I’ve always known I needed to be in the Word, but now, I know I will gain faith for helping others, and myself, and knowledge to fight against the devil when he rises up against me. We do have authority over Satan in Jesus name—but you have to have faith to use that authority correctly. You can tell the devil to “Be gone in the name of Jesus” and he will be gone, but without the faith that Jesus will keep him away, if you doubt, he’ll come right back and bring some friends with him. That’s part of where my problem lies. I have an evil spirit attacking me and can’t quite seem to completely get rid of it. It is attempting to destroy me, my sanity, my health, my family, and beginning to destroy my marriage. However, I continue to bind and rebuke the devil in Jesus name, and call upon the name of Jesus when I feel weak, when I need help. I pray that this spirit (or spirits) will leave my family and I alone, and I ask that everyone who reads this pray for me and my family that we withstand the devil, to do what it is that God wants us to do.

All I want to do is to serve God to the best of my ability. I try to witness over the internet… check out my MySpace profile (and if you have an account read my blogs). I’ve got the plan of salvation on more than one of my blogs I believe. I just want to win souls for Jesus, write songs for my Lord, and I want him to USE me…. I just don’t know which way he is going to take me. I am into writing songs for HIM, singing for Him, playing guitar for Him, I am currently in the Graphic/Digital Design program at the Art Institute online in hopes of being able to assist my husband with his future goal of Christian animation…. I’m even thinking about doing some designs for CD covers or band T-shirts, or things of that nature….for Christian bands of course. I am willing to go in whatever direction God wants me to go in. I have always had a passion for the youth of this nation…. I am a modern praise and worship/Christian Rock nut, and have a knack for explaining the bible in terms kids can understand a lot of the time. HE IS THE POTTER, I AM THE CLAY. Satan, I bind and rebuke you right now in the name of Jesus… I bind you away from this computer, and anyone who reads this…. I rebuke you from telling the lies you are telling me right now… in Jesus name…. Thank you Father for the Power over Satan. Mold me Father…..My life is in your hands. In Jesus name I ask for the willingness to do whatever it takes to gain the faith, knowledge, and trust, to seek you in ALL things, and to put you first above all. Master, Savior, Redeemer. My All in All…. I trust that you will use me as you see fit and that through You, we will accomplish great things for the kingdom. Please help me to have planted a seed today. Thank you for sending your one and only son to die so that I could live….. Forgive me of my many many sins…. In Jesus name I pray… AMEN… “The harvest is plenty, but the workers are few.” Will you be a worker? Do you have the faith it takes? Get in the Word…. “Faith Comes By Hearing And Hearing By The Word Of Christ.”


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