I met him around Mother’s Day 2009. He always came into the laundry mat. Months went by before we would ever speak. I would see him from time to time and I would just wave hi to him. He is tall, like I like them; he was nice and smiled all the time. He was helpful and he was the man I wanted at the time. So at the end of July, he asked me out to dinner and I said yes. We went on a date and I was really interested in this man. He was so handsome and I was attracted to him. Our first date was nice; we went to a bar, I had a drink, and we left back to his house. It was a little uncomfortable for me, so I left. He held my hand, drove me home, and gave me a gift.
Well, a year later and we barely talk. I see him every time I go to the laundry mat. I saw him today. He walked by over and over. Usually when he walks by, he comes in and sits next to me or he smiles at me or blows me air kisses. Today was different. He did not look in the window, but he came in and my heart jumped, but he came in to speak to another woman. When he walked out of the door, I was done packing up my clothes. I walked out of the door and came home. I knew that was the end of me and him. I am not crying or depressed or anything, but it keeps coming back to me all of the time. I am not good enough. I was not good enough. I will never be good enough. I was in a six-year relationship and I really loved him, but he cheated on me.
I have always had low self esteem. But I was becoming okay with me. I am in school getting As and Bs. I am learning to drive. I have come into my own independence and I was in love again. So now I know it’s really time for me to pick up my children and move. So now I will focus on buying a house. Quit possibly in another state. I will be fine. I am a good woman and any man would be so lucky to have someone like me. I don’t depend on anyone and I am good to my kids. (They are spoiled.) I am not going to stop my life because someone doesn’t feel like I can be for them. Okay, he was no good for me either, but to go as far as cheat or something as stupid as that, I cannot go that far. I am not designed to be that way. I have a heart and it beats and I feel my pain and I know my love is not perfect, but dammit, I am good, educated, and independent. I will be okay. I always will.