You are here

My Life, and the Find of My Life ...

+ enlarge


I am a 20 year old woman, now before you start thinking that I’m just a young girl that doesn’t know anything let me say: I grew up fast, I’ve helped to raise 6 children, not a one of them my own (I can’t have kids as you’ll find out), I had a job before it was even legal for me to have one, in fact, I had two (if you count watching 6 children every waking and most of our sleeping hours). Now that all that is said here is my lovely little life altering (my own, maybe not yours) story:

I grew up in Johnson City, TN… it was my mom, my little sister and me; we had a couple of step-fathers over the years and they were all worthless (no fault to my mother, they weren’t like that in the beginning) including our own fathers!! I know my father, well, as much as he’ll actually let me know hidden between the lies and bullshit he tells (but that’s another story entirely)!! 

I was born December 30, 1986… I was five days late (I wasn’t sharing a Birthday with anyone, no matter how good the company may have been). The Doctors knew something was wrong with me already. I was born without a Uterus (we would find out later that I was the first of 5 in my family), my “irregular” Ovaries were taken out at age one (mini-menopause… lol). Needless to say there are ups and downs to my condition….. let’s look on the bright side first: 

THE BRIGHT SIDE: No periods, no cramps, no mood swings, no mid-life crisis now…. (well, I guess I can still have one of those, huh?)


Hmmmmm…… all I’ve ever wanted were children, my little Pride and Joys, My Angels, My Sweethearts (all of which I’m sure would have been more like demons, but I wanted them). I found out about ALL of this at an alarmingly early age (my mom knew how much I wanted children)… my mom told me, and really what mother wants to tell her first and only child (at the time) “By the way, you can’t have kids”, while they’re playing with dolls in the car and talking about how she can’t wait to grow up and have a baby of my own “like mommy”!! I still remember her having to pull the car over on the side of the road to tell me this, tears streaming down her face…. I know now she felt like it was her fault, that she had “done something wrong”… I’m very glad she knows better now…

Time went on, I grew up….. between my neighbors and my aunt I basically raised 6 children…. I remember when it was at it’s worst…. it was 1:00 AM, I looked out my bedroom window and my neighbors’ car was gone (she was going to the beach for a week) so I thought, cool…. it’s about time she did something with her kids (I thought they’d get where they were going safely and have a lot of fun…. I was wrong)!! It’s 1:00 AM, I’m looking out my window and what do I see? Little Taylor, the youngest of the three running around the house…. Shocked, I went into my mom’s room, woke her, and told her what was going on and that I was going over there to spend the night so those girls wouldn’t be left alone, I guess I thought that maybe she’d be back tomorrow morning, that she hadn’t REALLY gone to the beach and left her 10, 8, and 4 year old girls home alone for a whole week….. WRONG AGAIN….. the next day came and went, no sign, not even a phone call…. which I was used to by now, but to leave the state you live in and to leave your young children at home alone for a week?? I stayed there with them…. I WAS MOMMY….. I FED, BATHED, PLAYED WITH, STUDIED WITH, TOUGHT (her girls, all of them, learned how to ride a bike by me, I taught the youngest her A, B, C’s, and beat the crap out of this little 13/14 year old boy “messing around” with the 10 year old girl)!! I cried when they all started calling me “MOMMY” (partly because, if I was who they thought their mother was that’s pretty bad, and also because it reminded me of my situation), it was at that point I decided two things…. I would adopt (if I had been old enough at the time, I would have gotten those 3 little girls), and #2…. this has got to stop….. So, when the “worthless mother” came back, my mother and I were waiting with Social Services, Police, and Her Mother…. needless to say, she lost her kids that day, they are now safe, living with their Grandmother (Father’s side) they still write me once a week, and Taylor still calls me MOMMY…. I guess I’m all the little girl’s ever known!!

After that, I could once again focus on my own situations… I was sick, depressed, and in need of correctional surgery…. a “vaginoscopy”….. in the middle of all this, I start talking to this guy on the phone… I fall head over heels in a matter of one phone call (I know… it’s just a “crush” right??? Wrong, we are getting married this fall)!! I didn’t tell him for a long time, I was afraid too, I mean…. what guy his age would be okay without having sex, right? He was the one who told me that he knew, and he didn’t care…. He loved me, and didn’t care about the sex…. that he didn’t care if we ever had sex!! Needless to say I was skeptical and went through with a one-time procedure, that would allow sex once healed!! Now, by this time we had figured out about all 5 of us with this condition…. I and the next oldest cousin of mine went in to get this procedure done at the same time….. the surgery went very well, until…. the Doctor gave us the instructions on what to do when we got home…. She was to dilate, I was not…. hers is still doing fine, while I’m back to the beginning with hideous scars all over my stomach!! After that surgery I had at least 4/5 more to correct the Doctors dumb ass mistakes!! My scars now form an arrow!! So at 17, I was gutted like a fish… all for what I feel was more experimental than anything, I mean…. you have two girls come in with the exact same problems, you perform the procedure the exact same way, but give them two different forms of instructions on what to do when they get home? Kind of Quackish, huh???

But all in all, these experiences have shaped and molded me into who I am…. I wouldn’t be me without them!! I’m still going through procedures, but I’m just glad I’ll be able to be there for my cousin’s when they have to go through all of this, and I hope there’s are a lot smoother!! Now, I am happy, content, getting married, we’re going to adopt…. there are many children needing a good home…


Loading comments...