I believe the need to feel worthy is the most predominantly debilitating requirement in today’s society. It is also the desire that is least often addressed or satisfied.
One Thing to Think About
It’s probable you encountered conditional acceptance as a child. As you matured, you learned that you would be accepted if you followed the rules of those you sought acceptance from. When you were accepted by the people in each of these environments, you learned that you were okay. Each time you experienced rejection or were punished, you learned that a part of you was not acceptable. This process taught you that you were only conditionally worthy. If you received enough of these messages throughout your life, which is quite common, your belief in your deservingness likely needs to be improved upon.
In reality, you are perfect, just as you are. Every situation you’ve lived through has made you the person you are today, and there is purpose to your experience. While it’s true there is room for improvement in all of our lives, the most damaging thoughts you can buy into are those that tell you that you’re broken and must fix yourself. That’s just not true. You are not broken and, while we can all benefit from self-improvement and self-care, there is nothing about you that needs to be fixed.
One Question to Answer
I repeat, You are perfect, just as you are. Are you able to accept that statement, or do you resist it? How do you rate your effectiveness at the following worth-building activities?
Invest in Self-Care. The best thing you can do for your family, friends, colleagues, and community is take great care of you. When you are at your best, you can give your best. When you invest in taking great care of yourself, you show your mind, body, heart, and soul how valuable you are. This directly meets your need to feel worthy.
Live Up to Your Potential. Your potential is limitless. You can make contributions to this world that no one else can make. If you don’t make them, the world will never see them. The more fully you allow yourself to come into your own, the more fully your need to feel worthy will be met.
Speak Up for Yourself. The manner in which you allow others to interact with you directly impacts your feelings of worth and deservingness. Require that others speak to you with respect. In instances when you encounter someone who is not treating you appropriately, let him or her know that you’re not okay with his or her behavior. Every time you stand up for yourself, you’re meeting your need for worthiness.
Keep the Commitments You Make to Yourself. Your feelings of worth are directly affected by your level of self-trust. You must have the ability to rely on your own word, or you will constantly question your own value and deservingness. Every time you meet a commitment to yourself, you increase your feelings of worth and deservingness. Every time you fail to meet a commitment, you undermine these very needs.
One Challenge to Take
1. Define the method you’ve adopted to satisfy your need for competence.
2. Identify at least one empowering and one disempowering behavior related to this need.
3. Consider how you might make the disempowering strategy more positive. How could you shift your approach while still meeting your need?
4. Commit to integrating this improvement into your life.