Now That I’m Forty

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The first thing that happened to me when I turned forty was a sudden urge to find a way to make a mark in the world , so I went to a company and became a crma/dsp, working with mentally disabled people. I just had to have a career and not just a job. I had a couple jobs here and there in my life, but nothing really important. I raised four children, basically most of that time being a homemaker.


The thing on my mind these days now that I’ve got my career is … okay, will I have to work the rest of my life just to make it? The job I do is physical and could be hard on the body after I turn so old. Saving money is kind of hard in these times; in fact, I haven’t ever done that much. I think something would always come up and take any money I could save. When you have four kids, even adult kids, it’s hard to save money. I wonder about whether I will be alone at some point, and how I would manage that. After all, I’ve been married for twenty-three years to the same man.


I think many things go through your mind after you turn forty. I’m a creature of habit. I don’t like change; I like routine. I have a lot of faith in god that the unknown for me will not be so scary. (I think god knows that and hope he keeps that in mind.) I think about in just nineteen years, I’ll be sixty. That’s not a heck of a lot of time. I wonder, will I need to be taken care of, and if so, by whom?


I believe that these things must cross everyone’s mind when they get to age forty. I do a lot of praying, asking for the best for me because it’s all unknown, and it’s hard not to be a little scared. I have grandchildren, eight of them, and they are growing up so fast, faster than my own children seemed to grow up. I’m glad I have them when I’m so young because I will actually get to see these bright, beautiful children turn into adults (god willing) and have their own children, and I will be around to watch that. I have had a lot of blessings in my life and I hope I continue to have them, and I hope that my second half of life is very good. I’m hoping I worried on all these things for nothing.

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