In the hope of smashing some eons of “spin” or at least denting them I want to say the following.
One of the oldest traditions practiced by the males of the human species is the “look what you made me do!” assertion. This is of course an example of “the best defense is a strong offense,” especially in their dealings with women.
You see if one can get the injured party to take responsibility by answering that accusation or buying into it, no other aspect of the issue will ever get addressed.
This tactical phrase which is stated in many disguises has a long history of success beginning with the supposed beginning of it all. The tactic is so pervasive and popular and automatically emerges from a boy/man mouth, I spent time pondering on it.
I guess I could give some specific examples of the practice: The still in place assertion that “she asked for it” as a defense when a man is charged with rape is the most egregious form and one of the most prevalent.
The “I lied cuz she would have gotten angry if I told the truth.”, the predicted reaction of course is probably true and a correct one too but to avoid consequences for unacceptable behaviors men use this excuse for their lies. In other words, she made me lie because she is a bitch.
Oh and by the way, I want to take this moment to mention that the current prevalent use of ‘bitch’ is proof that misogyny is still the most acceptable of bigotries. “Bitch” after all is the sexist equivalent of “nigger,” isn’t it. The n-word was just as acceptable and prevalent 100 years ago when racism was as active and ok as sexism still is. More about that another time.
So where did the “look what you made me do” dynamic start? Well, as I said before, it started “In the beginning …”, that is, in the book of Genesis. The first book of the bible lays the ground work for all of it.
Though to be fair, I must note that males using the finger pointing accusative defense vav women happens on every continent and is supported in most religions. A universal permission for the tactic must have been issued at some point. I never got the memo. Did you?
The bible allegory goes like this: Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit of the apple tree. Even though a snake played some symbolic role in the events, it was Eve’s fault because she seduced Adam into eating the fruit. Remember this is all in allegory speak.
Now what exactly is this all about?
I think we need to talk a bit about the story of Lilith, Adam’s first wife. This story was omitted from the bible. As you will see, it doesn’t fit with the program; this story of course is only one of many that didn’t survive the editors’ cuts. (e.g. Dead Sea scrolls.) When God created Adam, he was lonely, so God created Lilith from the same dust from which Adam was molded. But they quarreled; Adam wished to rule over Lilith. But Lilith was also proud and willful, claiming equality with Adam because she was created from the same dust. She left Adam and fled the Garden; remember the Garden was/is the male definition of Paradise. Now Lilith’s exit sounds about right to me… the first couple were also the first divorce and for the same reason that marriage still doesn’t work… marriage was never meant to be a joining of equals or a democracy. The disguises to the contrary are phenomenally successful, for a while anyway, but six out of ten women now figure it out now, and with improved economic balance for women, they can actually leave. Expect that % of divorce to keep growing btw.
Given its origins and design, the fact that any marriage finds a fair and mutually agreeable balance of power and growth potential, is nigh on to a miracle in my eyes.
So, anyway Lilith didn’t work out … so equality wasn’t workable. So God created Eve to be Adam’s malleable mate [created from Adam’s rib, so that she couldn’t claim equality]. The perfect fit. Except for one thing.
Back to the allegory… when Adam decided to claim his marriage rights and she wasn’t in the mood. Adam raped Eve and then in his afterglow noted how much his limp penis looked like a serpent and then noted how furious Eve was. In that moment, Adam found the first “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!” It was Eve’s fault … had to be … Adam didn’t want to take the responsibility. Sound familiar?
It is only in the past few decades that rape in marriage, that is, intercourse forced on the woman, is recognized as a crime. In some states it is still legal for a husband to do this to his wife.
Yep! Think about it. Just take a breath and think about it. Rape for so many men is a primary mode/fantasy even now. Oh they don’t use the term. There’s all kind of code-speak especially in locker rooms. For example, a man might rave about some “hot woman” and how he wants to “get it on with her” with nary a thought to whether she seeks or ever wanted this to happen. Oh I know that thinking rape is not the same as doing it. I am pointing out that thinking it is a very “natural process” amongst men.
Anyway, long ago men turned the tables on women and inverted the reality, and invented the claim: Women really want to be raped and “no” means “yes.” Women entice men to rape them; it’s the woman’s fault. It was Eve’s fault, remember.
“Look what you made me do!” is still used successfully in some courtrooms to defend a rapist.
I’m just sayin’…