What Are Personal Boundaries?
Having personal boundaries set in our lives helps to attract people that positive forces in our lives and help us to grow. These boundaries are also beneficial when we want to really enjoy good healthy relationships and stay in control of our destiny. It helps us to create our own identity as we are forced to look within ourselves. In my blog, I am not claiming to be a trained expert as in going to college or university, but I have been to the UOL (University of Life) which makes me an expert because of all the things I have experienced in my life.
Personal boundaries are a space that we create that basically spells out what we want near us or in our lives. Not many people understand this and I hope that by reading my blog it will bring some understanding and clarity.
I recently discovered that although I am a strong-willed person and I am very fussy about who I hang out with and who comes into my home, which for me, is my personal space, I realized that I was not reinforcing my boundaries enough in my life. For example, although I know what I want and don’t want, I was not saying no enough. I would sometimes find myself getting involved in conversations that did not match how I felt as a person. There is one thing I hate and that is people talking about people, unless it is for a good reason. I hate people saying negative things about people, especially when they don’t have the guts to say it to the person’s face. I am a very sensitive person; I am able to see straight through people, which has been a very useful tool for me throughout my life. I have also had firsthand experiences of people being nasty behind my back and then smiling when they see me. That really hurts and can be very confusing to the point where you think you are going crazy … have you ever experienced this? So on the one hand someone is nice to your face, and then on the other they are being nasty behind your back. Actions such as this cause a person to lose all respect for the other parties involved.
I started to look deep into myself and through visualization and meditation, I imagined myself in this circle with light around it. At first, the circle was very close to my body and I just felt compelled to push the circle out away from me creating an empty space with the circle maintaining its light. I likened the light as my protection and I refer to this protection as “where I draw the line.” I am sure some of you have used or heard of this expression. Yes, we do need to draw a line in all things, but first we need to understand who we really are as people. So now that I’ve created this lovely space, what do I fill it with? I started to fill it with “you” words. Like an imaginary artist, I wrote the “you” words all around this space until it became crowded. That’s it! I thought. This space is only about me. Then I started to analyze the outside of the circle and saw all the things that make me sad, things and people who are not good for me, and I left them outside. It gave me so much strength and power within myself as I was in control of who I would let in. By doing this, I was able to build on my self-esteem, my self-respect, and really come face to face with myself. I realized a few things that I was not proud of, like some conversations I have had that I should not have had. By doing this I noticed an untapped strength within; it felt new and refreshing but somehow it felt like it was always there waiting for me to tap into it. Since my new discovery, someone approached me with something and tried to pull the wool over my eyes and use me, in this case I simply said no, but when I said no, it had so much force behind it. Although I did not use a tone with it, I saw the person almost shrink, their body language suggested to me that they did not understand as normally I would just smile and not really say anything. It is good to smile, but I found that people always mistook my smile for something else.
You and Your Space Are Important
Just remember that you are the most important person in your life; everything else comes second even if you are a parent or have a career, if you don’t put yourself first and look after yourself, then how will you be able to care for others? Your children and clients need you to be in top health and strong. Stand by your beliefs and if advice is given, listen but choose whether you act upon it. You are in control, no one else, and if someone else is in control then it’s time to take control back. Don’t be afraid to take control, you are a special individual and when you entered into this world there was not a tag attached to you that said “use me, walk all over me, batter me, drain my life-force energy, I am your slave, I do what you say, I have not got a mind of my own, you will never be somebody” did it?
Remember this daily …
Healthy boundaries are based on your own moral beliefs. If you feel that you are going against your own personal values to feel accepted or to please someone, you may want to reassess the relationships you have with these people as this is a sign of an unhealthy personal boundary.
Form your own personal identity rather than someone else’s. I knew this person who loved the color pink, but at that time pink was not in fashion so she hid her love for that color and wore what everyone else was wearing, which was normally black or gray, just to fit in. She did not want to wear pink as it would bring attention to herself and plus she did not want everyone to say things like that is sooooooo not in this season. She was miserable as she was not being true to herself or expressing herself the way she should.
If you feel something is not right then I would question it, ponder on it for a while, follow your heart and your intuition and listen to how you truly feel and don’t be afraid to express that feeling. Some will like it some will not, but does it matter?
If this has helped in any way it would be good to hear from you.
Janet Kirlew, Goddess of Organization