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To God


August 22, 2010


Lord, I am so sorry for being angry at you. For the first time in my life, I lost my faith and questioned you. I was filled with so much hate and anger, I could not hear you. The madder I got, the more my heart hurt. The whole time I was grieving I never prayed, I never talked to you. The night before Roland’s funeral I lay in the bed and just thought … and prayed. That is when a peace came over me; my heart was not so heavy. I was still hurt but only this time, it was bearable. I know that this is something that will change my life forever. I am okay with that because this is my journey and I am not alone. God, I won’t say I will never question you again. I will say I will never close you out again. I am not ready to pray for Damika yet, but in time I will. I am working on not hating her, but that just might take a miracle (smile). Thank you, God, for all that you have done for me. Thank you for putting people in my life that could help me in my time of need. Thank you Lord for giving me Roland Allen Stark Sr., that is something I will treasure as long as I live. To know how he was and to see him change right before my eyes could have only been the work of you, God. I can’t help the way I feel; this is something that will always stay in my heart, mind, and soul. He meant so much to me, and now that he is gone, I am alone. I cry every day and night because someone took his life …


 

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