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Resurrecting Self-Esteem

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I braved my heart and attended alone the Feast last Sunday. It started with a mass and followed by the talk of Bro. Bo Sanchez. The reason was first and foremost was to buy ticket for Kergyma Conference, second was to offer my tithes and lastly, to hear God’s message for me.

The night before I was in Lhen’s place in Novaliches for our upper house hold and glad to discovered that Joenard, She and Tere would be attending too the Kerygma Conference. Whew! I was relief, I’ll be having my companion then cause it’s been a week since I’ve been inviting some of my close friends and I was rejected. Luckily, God send people right in front of me during my household. My prayer has been answered. Isn’t it amazing, “Ask and you will receive,” as the Bible says it. (Mat.7:8)

During the Feast, I can’t believe God is really speaking to me. The topic was Self-Love. I suffered low-esteem after recovering from my allergic bronchitis. God choose my health to remind me how I’m taking advantage of the life he’s given me. For the past four years after joining and serving in SFC, my outside life was always on the go. I can’t complain because some of it were all SFC activities, and some of it were spending quality time with my friends. I didn’t noticed that time will come that I need to slow down and think more of loving and taking care more of myself. After all, our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. We should nourish it physically and spiritually.

I browsed all the articles written in DivineCaroline and noticed how different I’m thinking presently, “Confession of an Impatient Bride” reminded me that I need to fill and full my love tank. How can I serve when emptiness is in my heart. I will only attract the same kind of people.

So the first thing I did was to call and sit and talk with my fellow SFC friends whom I I neglecting lately, whom I hurt unintentionally and whom I failed to reach out. I need to restore relationship with these people and asked for their forgiveness and commit myself again in serving them in a more loving, gentle and tough love way.

But there’s one aspect I’m struggling facing lately and that’s the love ahead of me. When I turned twenty-five, all the wishes and hope for me was to have a GG, it’s a God Gift, in our terms. It’s just frustrating that when I’m eating alone in a fast food chain and a guy stared at me, I can almost read the question why does this woman alone. What’s wrong being successful in a career, has a great relationship with her parents and friends feel alone and incomplete in some way? O why, O why?

The same question that Bo Sanchez uttered in the talk, what’s wrong with me? What’s really wrong with me? And I have to admit humbly that I feel the deep insecurity in that aspect. And that where self-love lies. Accepting first your emptiness and find a way how do you want others to do with you. He listed down five ways to love yourself and I’m sharing it with you:
1. Appreciate your worthiness
2. Fulfill your dreams
3. Meet your needs
4. Relate to the right image of God
5. Relate to the right people

The message reminded me again that I need to fill up my own empty heart. If you love yourself, you’ve got so much to give, your time, your attention, your talent and treasures. It’s so clear that I need to be a more loving, appreciative, gentle person to my own self. It isn’t bad that you’re being appreciative of your own self but being happy to know what’s your worthiness. So when I got home, I listed down all the positive things about myself. And glad to find out that I’m worthy to be my own self, resurrecting my own self-esteem.

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