This year has been, and will be, one of the most trying of my fifty-three-plus years. I have dealt with health issues of loved ones, my own health issue, and am facing a major move in the next couple of months. The most traumatic incident was the tragic death of my only daughter five months ago. I think I was completely numb the first couple of months and then the excruciating pain and depression hit like a ton of bricks. I had the most amazing support from those that love me and felt their love, compassion, and concern for me, but I was stuck in a hole and didn’t see a way out. I kept asking why, why my beautiful, intelligent, caring daughter? Someone very near and dear to me gave me a major lightbulb moment when he made a very simple statement. After listening to my “pitty-potty” tirade for several minutes about how sad, lost, and rejected I felt he simply said, “It’s not going to bring her back, Honey.” What a wake-up call that simple statement was for me!
I came to realize that if I had fifteen minutes with my wonderful daughter, I would not care about the why; I would enjoy the right now, the chance to look into her eyes, touch her face, and tell her how much I love her and what a positive impact she had on me and so many others. This would give me the chance to tell her just how special a young woman she became and how very proud I am of her.
This right now would be so much more important than all the “whys” and “if onlys.” I understand that this is the extreme of right now, but it can be used in our everyday lives. I am so fortunate that after a period of major issues between us we had reconciled and were in contact almost every day for the last year of her life, including the night before her death. The last words exchanged between us were “I love you”! What else could I possibly need? She died knowing I loved her unconditionally, and I know she loved me the same. Keep this in mind when you have an argument or disagreement with someone you love … those last words can either comfort you or leave a hole in your heart.
Am I “over” the death of my child? No!! I will still shed tears, miss her terribly, and there will always be a part of my very heart that is missing, but I will go on because, that is what she would want!! The right now … treasure it, savor it, and hold it very close, because in the end, all we have is the right now with those we love and who love us …