“I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.” A. Lincoln
Lately, I have been finding myself in an almost constant state of overwhelm. The “issues of the day” in the world seem very personal to me. I see them impacting me and those close me, not to mention hundreds of thousands of other people who share this planet with me. I often feel pretty powerless to change or impact those events.
In my own life, many things seem challenging … my business is a crazy, stress-filled industry; I can’t see how to move from where I am in my life to where I want to be; my emotions often seem kind of volatile and outside of my control, despite all the inner work I do to stay in a positive state of mind and heart. My loved ones—family and friends—seem to have a lot of “problems” these days, issues, or challenges in different arenas, which tends to activate my empathy at a very deep level. Both the “mom” in me, as well as the therapist and minster, rise up full-bore to assist my “peeps” in any way I can, which can result in me being on “Orange Alert” all the time, and so at the mercy of my adrenalin. But the fact is, while I can sometimes offer solace, support and perhaps some insights and awareness to those I love, for the most part, I can’t do anything else for them; their challenges are their challenges and they have to face them, to some degree, alone, within the context of their own psyche and their own lives. So often I feel I am just coaching and cheering from the sidelines, not empowered to really do anything.
As a result, oftentimes right now, I feel “driven to my knees,” which for me means I fall into a state of acknowledgement of the fact that despite my amazing abilities to be “effective” and competent in many areas of my life, to be many things to many people that are helpful to them, and to manage my own inner and outer worlds pretty darn well—much of what goes on here on the planet, both in my life and my loved ones’ is outside my control. The resolution of many issues seems to lie in hands other than mine. The “solutions” I or others seek sometimes sit just outside of the sphere of my current knowledge or experience; and I respond to that observation by feeling small, frightened, and incapable of dealing with these situations.
When I am “on my knees,” I find myself surrendering to what others often call a Higher Power. For me, this Power is not “out there” at all—but rather It is a deep sense of inner connection; it is a place where I am safe and where I experience that we are all loved. This Place is both inside of me and all around me, and from that place I know that everything that goes on in this world is all right at some level, perfect in some way and that I, and all of us, can learn from everything we experience, if we choose to do that. This Place for me is filled with a presence that is both me and Not-Me—a Self that is both who I am here and Something Greater. In this Place within this Presence, I may not always know exactly what the right thing to do is “off the top of my head,” but I do feel more TRUST about the situation, and I have more PATIENCE with the stream of events. I also seem to have a much greater sense of humor about everything; I see the innate silliness of life and laugh at how I/we struggle to control and master events and situation. Yet I also have more Empathy for the human condition and our collective and individual “fight” to survive here. From this Place in my own Consciousness, I am touched by the desperation we attach to this fight, partially because we have forgotten that Who We Are is really ETERNAL. Who We Are cannot die or fail, and does not perceive suffering in the same way we do. All we are doing here, from Its “Higher Perspective,” is simply having an “experience” we decided to have, thinking it would be fun—and learning whatever we can manage to learn from it. It is not intended to be “painful” although we can perceive it that way of we want to. All that is intended is that we each do the best we can as we move through each experience. It is not really a “win-lose” game.
When I sit in this peace-filled Place inside of me, when I aware of this deeply caring Presence, and I am surrendered to It—and to all the Knowing, Loving, and Wisdom that is present within It, I find that I am more RESOURCEFUL. I find that while I may not have the “right” answer or solution to the situation and I may not know EXACTLY what to do or which way to go, I do have some good ideas. I become aware of avenues to explore and some resources to tap into. I somehow find myself immersed in a pool of Cosmic Creativity, and once again I feel empowered and enthusiastic. I can more easily move forward, or back a bit, if I choose, so I can go down another Path.
I have had people in my life, all my life, tell me I can be “too independent.” They chastise me for not asking for support from other people when I have difficulties. They also note that I often perceive other’s or the world’s problems as my own, and add the weight of those problems that are mine. And they comment that there is a price I pay for being the one that everyone else depends on.
I sometimes think these people are right, that that is true of me. BUT/AND I also think that I have realized that when I surrender my burdens and those of others to that Aspect of me and Not-Me that knows everything, understands everything, loves everything and has all the answers and solutions, I, as a person, become stronger, wiser, gentler, more resourceful and more effective than I am when I struggle to do it all alone. I, with that Connection and that Support, become fully capable of handling my own issues better, and also of being a friend and support person for others around me. I also find that I become a powerful part of the SOLUTION to the World’s problems and woes, rather than being part of them. And, this is exactly what I want to be.