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Therapy

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Therapy is a good thing. I know this. And I am thankful each day for the help of my therapist. But it is seriously hard work. It drains me in every single way. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. And I am better. Much. But I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle. I feel that the battle will never end. I suffer from an anxiety disorder and I am always on edge. It is extremely difficult for me to relax or meditate or even sit still. These are things that I know will make me get better. But the benefits are minuscule and it is hard to be patient. I guess I feel lonely. Alone. Isolated. I feel no one understands the enormous effort it takes to get through each day. I work hard at it. I know I am a good person. But, I have so much on my plate. Four children, a marriage, a full-time college course load. And therapy. And trying to have a social life. I guess I’m saying that I am at the end of my rope and I’d just like to have someone be stronger than me so that they can lift me up and make me feel better at least some of the time. I’d like to have a person who brings me coffee just the way I like it and that gets me little gifts just because. I want the mom I never had and I want someone to hold my hand through this tough time. I’m just tired of doing it all by myself. I have a wonderful family and I know I am blessed. But that doesn’t erase the difficulty or the knowledge that sometimes I just cannot do it all.

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