What can I say? My whole life has been lived in the future. Let me explain.
As a child I longed to be an adult. Okay, most kids want adulthood. It looks like so much fun! You can eat an entire package of cookies, stay up until 2 a.m. or buy anything you want because money is endless and why have one bike when you can have two?!
For me, it was intense. Maybe it’s my strong-willed Virgo nature that told me I should not be restrained to the lifestyle that childhood provides. All I thought about was growing up, making my own decisions, having my own apartment—living my own life.
High school was fine. I had the regular head-butting with my parents and a month-long grounding in the summer to wise me up. At some point I decided that I would get the credits to graduate high school early and head to an internship in Texas for a year. When I left I was seventeen. Do you see what I’m talking about?
I’ve been flaky with boyfriends because I can’t get my ambitious self to sit still. I’ve held several (ahem, several) jobs for six to ten months at a time because the grass was always greener somewhere else. I want to go, do, see and accomplish all the time.
Ambition can be so self-defeating. It’s a hard lesson and I’m thick-headed. At work, I put up a quote that says, “Happiness comes from contentment.” Somehow I forget to look at it.
Ambition is great in that it gets you things and often helps achieve success, but what about for you and me as people? What we achieve is separate from who we are. We all know this, but we’re still playing out the same routines and habits. We’re still not convinced. I’m still not convinced.
But I want to enjoy today. Right now.