I have lived and worked in three states and one foreign country. I know what it means to start over from scratch and make my life work. Usually, I am just barely aware of the work involved in such a process. One must learn another culture, another language (or at least a different lingo), orient oneself to the place, train for a new job, establish schools and friends for the children, and discover one’s own comfort zone all over again. I have rarely found this unnerving. It comes naturally to me. I enjoy this “need-to-know” kind of learning.
So why has this latest move been so difficult? I have been slow to find new friends, groaned about the headaches of tackling my latest job, impatient with climate differences … basically, I have been a whiner! A year into it … I have decided to shake things up and try something new.
I have actually scheduled some friend time with several old friends, a weekend of relaxation and luxury. This is new for me. I am NOT a social planner. I have always let my friends dictate when and how we socialize. I am fearful that this bold move for me could be disastrous. But I am tired of the loneliness and disconnection. Having failed to effectively settle in to this new life, I am grasping for straws. The friends I invited who felt this was an imposition told me so. I have one very committed and one doubtful attendee at this point. It may blow up in my face.
But I am approaching this new experience with a new attitude: One of “no expectations.” I will go to this weekend without any preconceived needs or wants. I will simply enjoy the reunion with two dear and wonderful people and if they choose to leave (this is my fear) I will be content to stay on and enjoy myself. The meeting place is in an historic town with a lovely creek and antique bed and breakfast. Even if I am there alone, I will immerse myself in the quiet comfort all around me. I am following my heart and will not let my mind create obstacles. I will relax and go with the flow.
So, I am going for it. I will let you know how this experiment in self-determination pans out. We shall see.