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Unleash Your Feminine Essence

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We each have characteristics that are either masculine or feminine. Masculine characteristics are things like direction, focus, getting things done, competitiveness, and linear thinking. Feminine characteristics are things like receptivity, connecting, collaboration, feeling, and multi-tasking. Feminine essence flows like the ocean, while masculine essence is pointed and direct like a mountain peak. Both are important, and a person who only exhibited one or the other would appear quite out of balance. However, we each have a tendency toward one or the other, and we are attracted to a person who has the opposite sexual polarity.

The trouble comes when women deny their feminine essence, as many of us have done in order to get ahead in business. In the business realm, masculine essence is considered much more desirable than feminine essence. I remember being told early in my career that I was too impulsive and emotional. What my boss didn’t understand was that when I moved with those impulses and emotions, I made excellent decisions, and I’d get really excited and flow out in all my feminine glory. I learned quickly that it wasn’t “appropriate” behavior, and I began hiding those parts of myself. I focused instead on the masculine qualities of getting things done and being competitive.

That worked well in the boardroom, but eventually not so well in the bedroom. In the bedroom, I longed to be taken. I wanted to be done by my partner and to let loose that feminine essence that had to hide all day. The problem was that my partner was initially attracted to my focus, intelligence, and strong sense of direction in life. This is not to say he didn’t appreciate my femininity; he certainly did. But he wanted someone else to take charge; he wanted to be the receptive (feminine) one. He’s not gay or bisexual; it’s just that in our relationship he wanted to be taken care of and expected me to do the caring.

I was willing to take charge for a number of years, so for a while it worked for us. In truth, I felt safer taking charge because I didn’t trust in his masculine presence. My own masculine presence was stronger than his, so I didn’t even give him much of an opportunity to act out his masculinity.  I see a lot of clients with this problem; strong, independent women who don’t know how to let their guard down with a man. When is it safe to express our femininity? 

We only feel safe expressing our feminine essence when we trust in the masculine presence of our partner. What we really want is a man who is open, honest, and willing to take charge. We want a man to respect our thoughts and feelings, but be able to have his own and be comfortable sharing those with us, even if we don’t agree. We want our man’s presence to be as strong as our willingness to be vulnerable with him, and we want for our receptivity to bring out his presence even stronger. We intuitively know when a man’s depth of presence matches our depth of receptivity, and we don’t dare express our true essence until and unless we know he can take it.

I’m reminded of a perfume jingle from the 1970s: “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man, because I’m a WOMAN.” Yes, we all want some of that.


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