I have been torn for nearly a year. Did he or did I do something wrong? You see I was abused my two people in my family. It started when I was nine years old and finally stopped when I was fourteen. (I believe they got scared that I was going to tell someone … which I did about a year later (it didn’t end well.) I was sexually, mentally and physically abused, but now I am eighteen and I don’t know what to think. I still hurt from what happened, I still think it’s partly my fault like they said but now I have a new situation. About a year ago I went to a party with a friend of mine (not a very good friend), and for maybe the third time in my life was upset enough to get totally wasted! (My uncle, thirty-three years old, whom I loved very much, had just died.) I was so drunk I could walk and I remember this guy (I’ll call him Brandon), coming up to me and telling me he was going to take me to his house. I remember saying no, I need to stay here with Lara (my friend), I need to stay here. I don’t remember the ride to his house or going from the car to the house, but I do remember getting sick and a couple of his friends telling their girlfriends to help clean me up. At first they said no, they wouldn’t be apart of it, but after a while they caved and got me a change of clothes and put my hair up. Soon I fell asleep (still trashed out of my mind), and remember being waken up by a noise (it sounded like some knocking, more like banging, on the door). I felt strange and I remember thinking “if this guys gets me pregnant I am going to kill him!”
The next morning I was suspicious when the first thing that one of the girls (Jen) said was I heard some noises coming from in here, I told Todd (her boyfriend) to go check it out and make sure Brandon wasn’t having sex with me, but Todd refused, so she said that she decided to check it out for herself and come in there, but it was just me moaning because I didn’t feel good and I was throwing up again. She told the story four or five times like she was trying to convince us of it. I didn’t remember much but I do remember thinking I cant believe this is happening, what if I get pregnant, I don’t know this guy, why did I get so drunk? I don’t have the strength to fight him off, WHY did I get so drunk!! And I also remember waking up next to him and not having any clothes.
So after a while of searching for my clothes (which I never found) with a sheet wrapped around me, I gave up the search and text-ed my friend. I told her what the guy I was with looked like and that I didn’t have any clothes. She said she’d be there in little while and she’d bring me some clothes. So sure enough, she and her boyfriend came and got me. When they arrived Jen began her story, once again, about how she came in there and all I was doing was throwing up. I was so upset because I knew that wasn’t all that had happened!
Later that day, after some Tylenol and a chicken sandwich that made its way back up, I finally told Lara what I believe really happened and she thought I was bragging so she gave me a high five and said congrats on your first “one night stand.” I thought screw it, she’s friends with them, she’s going to side with them, so I left it alone.
A few weeks later she text-ed me say she had talked to Brandon and he said nothing happened, so I could sleep better at night (you see I was about two weeks late! and had never willing slept with anyone so I knew what had happened). I went to the store and got an EPT test and it came out negative (thank God!!). A couple of weeks later, don’t ask me why cause I couldn’t tell you, but I went to another party with Lara. I didn’t drink, I just hung out, all was well until he showed up. Come to find out the party was at Brandon house. He came up to me and tried to explain. I was in shock, I just nodded and went to the kitchen to see if there was any food in there (I’ve had bulimia since I was twelve so I turn to food when I’m upset.) I couldn’t just leave because Lara lives about thirty minutes from where I do and I have no idea how to get around her town so I had to just wait it out. We got back to her house around five o’clock that morning, I woke up the next day around 10:30. Got up got dressed and did the unthinkable. I called my mom. She came and picked me up. I didn’t tell her what happened and probably never will, but I haven’t been back to Lara’s and haven’ t called her either. The whole point to this story is I want someone to please tell me, did I do something wrong? Do I have a right to be upset? Or did I ask for it because I got so drunk? I just don’t know what to think and was hoping for a little guidance. Please be honest about your opinion! Thanks,