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Why Do We Resist Love?

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There’s a beautiful book by Gyorgy Dozci called the Power of Limits. And in this book, the author illustrates how all matter and form has limits, edges, and boundaries. In order to define different aspects of creation, there must be limits. Limits of height, weight, and speed. Definition of colors, of shapes, of how flowers blossom, trees climb, webs are woven all depend on the power of limits.

Simple concept and yet very profound.

As spiritual beings, I’m sure many of us have wondered why we can’t just instantly fly, apparate and disapparate like in the Potter books (not to say you can’t but in most cases, we don’t). Through the course of my life as I have marveled at the exquisiteness of creation on this planet, I have come to understand that it is often through its limitations that much beauty and pleasure can be experienced.

For example, a delicious meal is more delicious because of the limitations and definitions of the plate, the coloring of the food, the contrast of something light and something heavy (i.e., Chocolate Souffle with ice cream), the souffle being light of course!

And when you think of dancers, it’s the way that gravity limits them that gives rise to the oohs and ahs when the are able to fly across the stage, or dance on the very tips of their toes as if it required no effort at all.

So friction, gravity, traction, resistance is often necessary for the contrast needed for creativity.

And in the realm of human relationships this is also true. To value a relationship where communication, purpose, commitment, empowerment, honoring, tenderness, respect, devotion, remembering, marveling, excitement, mystery, romance, surprise can occur, the opposite needs to exist as well.

It’s impossible to recognize something you truly want without having understood what you don’t want. And that is why I find there can be resistance when it comes to people having a beautiful relationships.

People have been accruing so many experiences that they don’t like that they start to believe that it doesn’t get any better. What people do not realize is that your bank account of experiences has created its opposite. That “jerk” of a boyfriend, or girlfriend, that betrayal, that ugly remark, that lack of attention, that unkindness has given rise to desiring and appreciating its opposite.




And so how does it come? I’ve seen it come fastest when people get this concept, and relax into the knowingness that the joy that is coming in has come from their individual experiences, and preferences that they have honed and developed through the living of contrast.

So resistance is valuable when you resist the neigh-saying voices, the voices that say oh yeah, things never change, or what if I get hurt again, that defines itself with nevers, shoulds, guilt, blame, or judgment.

Because the truth is that through our experience of life, we tell the universe what we want and it gives it to us.

And I have been astounded by the physical aspect of this truth in watching the Beijing Olympics. Michael Phelps breaking the record with eight gold medals (a few of them won on pure desire 1/100th of a second), human evolution continues to stretch the boundaries of limits; new Olympic records are always being set. if you watch how Usain Bolt broke the world record in the 100m race, this year at the Olympics in slow motion, you’ll see that we are beginning to fly.

For some fun links of how fast we evolve and shift in what is possible, check out this video on a new kind of inner city sport: Parcours.

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