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Wrestling with God’s Heart

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At my age of twenty-five, I should be in a relationship, as people would say. But I’m not that kind of girl-next-door type nor the beauty queen type of women. Instead, I was raised like in a Victorian era. All virtues, deeds, and modesty were printed on me. And all men respect me so highly; most in my community whom they know me so well.

And on my outside comfort zone, my friends know that I was greatly transformed to a “new me.” And I find it hard to meet a potential mate because I feel that they are scared of my personality or whatever it hinders them.

And I’m asking God, “Lord, you have meet me a lot of good men and yet I’m not meeting the right one.” I’ll be paused for a while and all I can hear was him saying, “You are the right person but this is not your time. I have molded you to be the right person and yet this is not your right time.” Instead of me saying ‘Lord, are you with me?’ He’s the one taking it back, ‘my dear, are you listening to me?’.

Sometimes, we lost all the sacrifices that we’ve had and just decided on our little chunky-bitchy-heart-of-desire without consulting to him. And later it’ll would turn up in a mess.

Patience is a virtue. I learned it by time. I learned it through friendship. I learned it by loving my enemies. I learned it inch by inch, the intensity of waiting over time. It builds me strong. It ignites me to purse more of my personal financial career. God didn’t sleep. He’s always awake. He wanted me to build it over and over again. It’s an obedience to him. He’s taking me to the limit.

And he wanted me to say ‘YES’ everyday to him. To follow his own desire for me, He knows already my own heart’s desire. And always, I shall remember, we will reap a harvest if you sow. So I wanted to build that patience and obedience, His right time will reveal soon. It’s always right.

Then I would no longer wrestling His heart against mine.

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