Your Joy Ride Just Went Down in Flames

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Amazingly enough, he thought he could win. He thought that after all the wrong he did, all the torture he perpetuated, all the poison he created, I would actually cave in to him.

I suppose that is partially my doing. When you are dealing with a narcissistic sociopath, you can fight fairly to a certain extent. Then, you have to play his game. And play it to win.

Once I started playing his game, he became even more confident that he would be successful in his war against my psyche. After all, he'd played his mind control games for so long, and seemed to be conquering the world… I expect he thought that if he'd come this far, and I'd fought so hard and was now beginning to crumble, his twisted scheme must be working.

He was mistaken.

I had adapted, learned to fight differently. I even became genius at teeter-tottering the stances of letting him believe I was falling for his lies and then admonishing him for what he'd put me through. It was all part of healing so we could eventually repair our relationship, I'd say.

The bunker you reside in while fighting such a demon is a scary, lonely place. People who love you and have stood by you while you fought the many battles (some won, most lost), are terrified that you've fallen prey to his insanity again. The battle for your soul's very survival has to be fought, then, on several fronts. The victory, though, is well worth the struggle.

My victorious moment came when I realized that everything he thought he'd taken from me, everything he thought he'd broken inside me, I had salvaged, replaced, recovered or recaptured.

His efforts at systematic character assassination had failed, and beautifully, he was not even aware of it.

If it wasn't for all he tried to do, I would not know how capable I am of pulling through. He tried to hide his lies, disguise himself with denial. In the end, he was forced to see… he won't stop me.



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