I work as a Medical Assistant in a Rheumatologist’s office. One-hundred percent of our patients are chronically ill, and are living with constant often debilitating pain. I also have an autoimmune disease, and have been a patient of this doctor’s for twelve years. I live with chronic pain 24/7 and know first hand how physically and emotionally devastating it can be to all aspects of a person’s life. There are many times when coping and just getting through the day seems close to impossible. There are no cures for the diseases we treat, and part of our job is to do our best to improve the quality of our patient’s lives by treating the symptoms.
Most of our patients are on some type of medication to provide pain relief. With pain and fatigue being the chief symptoms of most autoimmune diseases, helping our patients maintain a decent quality of life is a very big priority in our practice. Consequently, this makes it necessary to carefully monitor how our patients are using these particular drugs. I would say close to 90 percent of the patients take their medications correctly without abuse, but of course, there is always that 10 percent who will do what ever it takes to get more of their pain meds filled early one way or another.
Please understand that I take pain medication on a daily basis as well. Being a patient myself, I definitely see both sides of the coin, but some of the stories we hear on a daily basis are just too good not to share. So, I came up with of a list of the top ten most creative reasons people have actually used in an attempt to get their meds before their prescriptions allowed.
10. I just found out two hours ago that I’m leaving unexpectedly for Mexico this afternoon and don’t know when I’ll be coming back. I’ll be in contact with you for refills of my other meds, but I need … um … oh … let’s say … 3–4 months of Oxycontin now.
9. Either you’re doing the math wrong, or the pharmacy shorted me again. There is no way in Hell I could’ve taken that many pills already.
8. I don’t care if both yours and the pharmacies records show it’s ten days early for my refill, one of you is lying.
7. My truck was stolen and my Morphine was in it.
6. I never received the prescription in the mail. It’s been lost for the fourth time, but I did receive the scripts for all of my other meds.
5. The neighborhood kids picked the lock on the cabinet in my garage where I keep my meds and stole them. I have no idea how this keeps happening.
4. My house burned down and I was able to get all of my meds out except for my Oxycontin.
3. I left the trunk open when I brought my groceries in. My prescriptions were in one of the bags and someone stole that bag out of my trunk. No, I don’t need any of my other meds, they were in a different bag.
2. I opened my Opana bottle in the driveway, dropped it and the pills spilled everywhere. It was raining, and they melted, so I guess I need a new prescription.
And my personal favorite …
1. My son got me arrested this weekend and the police officer confiscated my Vicodin. I also had a small amount of weed on me at the time and was wondering if you could write a letter to the judge saying it was for medicinal use.