At-Home Exercise Gear: 10 Tools No One Should Try
Giddyup! Core Exerciser
Gone are the days of trudging to the nearest rodeo bar to sweat it out on the mechanical bull. Instead, feel the burn with a product that simulates the same riding motions. Sadly, the cowboy hat and beer-soaked sawdust on the floor aren’t included.
Shake unsightly arm fat away with Shake Weight, a 2.5-pound weight that jiggles and jumps as you hold on for dear life, supposedly working out your arm and chest muscles in the process. Order today and get the "Brazilian Booty Workout" DVD that goes with it. Seriously. That’s a real thing.
If you thought the Shake Weight was revolutionary, check out this vibrating belt! Talk about minimal effort—all you have to do is strap it on and let the “FDA-approved Toning System” (aka a nine-volt battery) turn your flabby core into a steel washboard of glory.
Slendertone System Bottom Toner
The powers of vibration needn’t be relegated to your soon-to-be-rock-hard abs. Your lower half can benefit as well, with Slendertone’s stimulating gel pads. All it takes is thirty minutes a day, five days a week, of sitting on your vibrating butt for a toned derriere. Thanks, technology!
Who’s going to notice your toned body if your neck skin’s all loose and wrinkled? Just put this stupid contraption under your chin every day, and "voilà"—a younger face and neck. It even comes with a “luxury carrying case” to hide your secret shame.
There’s nothing secret about this shame. It puts your embarrassment right out there in public as you pump those gams past all the people laughing at you. Even the ones on Segways are laughing. Why didn’t you just ride a bike instead?
Powerslide Slide Board Lateral Exercise Trainer
Reviews on Amazon.com say that slipping and sliding on this eight-foot board is actually a great workout—if you can stay up long enough, that is. The board is extremely slippery and results in more falling than sliding. Does bruising burn calories?
Give a glorified rocking chair a name like Ab Rocket, and suddenly it becomes a surefire tool for rip-roaring abdominal muscles. The machine also includes a low-calorie meal plan, just in case the suggested workout of five minutes a day isn’t enough to produce red-hot results.
Tony Little Cheeks Fit Body Sport Walkers
Sneakers and flip-flops that supposedly tone the body are nothing new, but now ridiculous shoe-incline technology is branching out into Mary Janes territory! What hell hath Tony Little wrought?