I read an article today that the New York Times calling Jennifer Aniston “fat.” Oh, and also Kate Hudson and Courteney Cox. Are you kidding me? Everybody raise their hands now who would want any of these women’s bodies! I sure would. I’ve been on Nutrisystem since October and have lost forty-rivepounds. That sounds great until you know that I have about 120 pounds to lose to be within my normal weight. I eat small meals and work out in the physical therapy pool three times a week. I walk on my treadmill on the days I don’t do PT. Next month, I’m starting circuit training in a month, since I just received Reclast for my osteoporosis, caused by fifteen years of prednisone use for Lupus.
“Notice the upper arms,” the article read. I did. They all looked great. They didn’t say: “notice Jennifer Aniston’s legs.” She wore a gown with a slit up to the upper leg. And that leg is what I’d like to have. Oh, and another scandal: Jennifer Aniston and Angeline Jolie wore the same gown. Wrong! Both were lovely and both were slit up the thigh, but Jennifer’s was black and Angeline’s was a peach color in a different material. A scandal for who is showing most for Brad Pitt? Give me a break. I doubt Jennifer is pining for the man who left her quite publicly for another woman. It’s been years. I’m sure she’s thinking more of the movies she’s making and the money she’s making from said movies.
Who Jennifer date’s is no one’s business but her own. And I don’t say this because she happens to be one of my Facebook friends. If she describes her boyfriend, then I should have to describe my husband: forty-six, grey hair, 6′0″, 154 pounds. Not into exercise of any kind, if you don’t count PlayStation 2. Works two jobs to pay our mortgage. Is buying a ten year old car so we will have two cars (our other is a 2002 Hyundai Santa Fe). We’re paying for Space Camp for our son, and acting lessons, because his agent believes he could be a good actor, and since he’s also Chandra Wilson’s agent, I tend to believe him. And we pay for private swim lessons because his coach believes he has the talent to swim competitively. And I’ve watched him, and believe him as well.
My son will attend Christian school starting next fall because the public schools, frankly, stink. Last year he missed twenty-three days of school and still got straight As. He is a strong Christian and reads the Bible before he goes to bed each night. And he wants to go on a Mission with the Bob Tebow Missionary to the Philippines when he turns fifteen. He doesn’t always listen, and I usually have to ask for things three times, but all in all, he’s a good kid.
So I will continue my attempt to get Jennifer Aniston’s legs and arms, and the rest of her. But I’m ten years older than she is and I have three chronic illnesses, so it will be a struggle. I’d be happy just looking like I did before I had my son eleven years ago. And can stop going to an internist, rheumatologist, pulmonologist, cardiologist, and physical therapy. And be able to walk down the street without my back spasming and tripping up a curb, which ended me up in the ER by EMS, which mortified me, since I worked with EMS as a trauma RN and flight RN for ten years. I got a pair of Reebok’s for Christmas, you know, the one’s that promise you better thighs and calves just by wearing them? So far, I haven’t noticed a change, but everything takes time. And, by the way, Jennifer, you are so NOT fat!