Reaching a lull in my weight loss recently, I am reexamining things that I discovered to be successful when I first started White Girl with a Fat Ass. Above all else, I found keeping a food journal to be one of the most helpful things. Eating an entire box of Oreos isn’t as easy if you have to write down exactly how many that is on a piece of paper. The most important thing about keeping a food journal is being completely honest. In that spirit, here is one of my first food journal entries dated January 14, 2008. I have titled this entry: My One Night Stand.
Dear Food Journal,
I know my entries to you have been regular so far. Like Friday for instance.
- BREAKFAST: one cup 0 percent Fage Greek yogurt with Kashi seven whole grain Puff cereal (only seventy calories per serving and zero grams sugar. The stuff is amazing!)
- LUNCH: Whole wheat wrap with turkey, Muenster cheese, lettuce, tomato, and way too much mayo because the cafeteria guy has control freak issues and won’t listen to directions.
- DINNER: Salmon burger over salad with a handful of almonds, and a chunk (official measurement less than a hunk, more than a slice) of cheddar cheese eaten at 6:59 p.m. before the 7 p.m. curfew.
So you will have to forgive me for not writing to you this weekend, but I was ashamed of myself. FJ I lost my head. I don’t know how else to start but at the beginning, it is after all a very good place to start.
- BREAKFAST: One mimosa at an unlimited (mimosa/bellini/champagne/screwdriver) brunch, two glasses of champagne (trying to save on the calories in the juice), one (or two? maybe three?) more mimosa, a smoked salmon omelet with caviar, home-fries, toast, and a warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy that I often mistake for love and happiness.
- LUNCH: Two stolen drags off my best friend’s cigarette, a mochaccino, one large glass of water, good idea on the side.
- DINNER: This is where things get fuzzy.
The lights were dim when I got home and my room was warm. I was still tipsy, vulnerable, and alone. That’s when dark chocolate moved in. 70 percent Cocoa to his friends. I had forgotten he was there, in my room, this friend with benefits. 70 percent had been left by my Ex after what I now call Holiday Dumping 07. Along with a bag of my clothes, the entire series of Battlestar Galactica burned onto discs, and a note whose subtext basically read, “Sorry I dumped your ass, but I washed your clothes, left sci-fi and a large chocolate bar to make up for it. Have a wonderful Christmas.”
70 percent and I have a deal; whenever I reach my breaking point I have a square. With the idea in mind that by the time I finish 70 percent off, I will then be over his guilty giver. This morning I woke up tangled in my sheets, my clothes strewn across the room, and the bittersweet taste of dark chocolate heavy on my tongue, along with a potent mixture of shame and satisfaction. I looked over blearily to 70 percent. One square left. What have you done, you Cocoa-Slut? Only one square left. And I’m not sure if I’m ready yet for new chocolate.
Don’t judge me Food Journal, so logical with your perfect boxes of Star Trek: The Next Generation graph paper. At least I’m honest. And today is a brand new day.
- BREAKFAST: 1 serving Trader Joe’s Oatmeal Complete, two glasses of water, tea with splash skim milk/no sugar.
For those of you who are interested, I recently broke down and went in search of that last square of 70 percent with the intent of devouring it. And I couldn’t find the last square. It is hiding somewhere in my room. I’m not sure what that means.
Help me raise money and awareness for hunger relief while I strive to overcome lifelong food and body image issues. Ashamed at being unable to control my eating, I decided cleaning my plate wasn’t helping starving children anywhere but there are positive things I can do every day to help end hunger and inspire myself to be healthy. If you’d like to donate towards my goal, CLICK HERE.