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Weight is Painful

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There can be a tremendous amount of pain when we carry extra weight. The pain can be in our joints after wear and tear or sore muscles when we’ve done too much. However it is the emotional pain that I am thinking about right now. The word obesity seems to add insult to injury. It sounds so permanent but it does not have to be. When you have reoccurring poundage you think differently about yourself.

Recently I reread some journal notes I wrote to myself over the years, at different weights. I vividly remember my mother making fun of me being fat time and time again. Pinching the inner tube at my waist and then look at me disapprovingly proved to be humiliating. Her continual criticism of what I wore, wore me down and most of the time after a brief display of words I would leave in tears. She died a year ago and to this day I feel such ambivalence towards this other source of pain. Be supportive of people, especially your children.

My sister-in-law, who was severely obese, died unexpectedly a couple of months ago. After her death my recurring thought was that at least she was no longer trapped in her body. She was such a warm, funny, loving person who was so incapacitated due to her excess weight. She had gotten to the point where she could hardly walk and breathing was a luxury. I hurt for her because if my mother did that to me, can you imagine how she felt?

As I look back at previous generations I don’t see fit and firm ancestors. I see photos of sagging breasts and large bodies. There was not the preoccupation with personal appearance or youth like there is now. On the other hand, obesity was not rampant in America either. As my Uncle Hugh used to say, his women were all “Fat and fine.”

I admire women who have always had a great health routine and it would have been great had I learned to love a sport early on. There is nothing fine about a woman being fat. Every time I see a lady with extra pounds I feel her pain. Each broadcast announcing a possible cure for obesity I hope they find it because I do not think that people desire to eat as often as some of their bodies tell them to. Perhaps that is why there are other eating disorders which are another topic for another day.

I am much happier at a small size. I am glad being overweight is a thing of the past. The pain is still there.


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