Since When Did I Get So Old?

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I’ve been an active person all my life. Some people would say I’m a little over the top when it comes to my hiking, biking, snowshoeing activities; however, I’ve enjoyed pushing myself at times just to see if I can make my goal of the day, so to speak. So, one day I was at home, recovering from a cold, when I saw a home video series on the infomercial channel. I must have been feeling particularly out of shape because this caught my attention, especially the part that said, “You will be in the best shape of your life within sixty days of using this video series.”

Knowing I am knocking at the door to menopause, I have in the back of my mind that I have to step up my workout routines in order to “maintain” my current physical condition. This doesn’t really set too well with me when I have observed that each decade I have lived, I have to increase my workout session time and since I am up to a minimum of fifty minutes just to maintain, I am beginning to get bored with the whole routine. This video series claimed that I could do a complete warm-up, cardio, and cool-down within the span of forty-two minutes and see amazing results, sign me up!

The series of ten videos arrived quickly and I proceeded to pull out the calendar that tells you which video to do when and vowed to start the following Monday. As I previously mentioned, I keep myself physically active and thought I was in pretty good shape so, when the first video said it was a fit test, I poo-pooed it. Then it started. I was jumping, kicking, push-uping, until I couldn’t breathe, and that was just the fit test? I was a little bit intimidated. Needless to say, I survived and went on to the Tuesday video. The suggestion for the video series said to get a heart rate monitor, which I did, and to calculate your maximum heart rate so you know when you are going to die, I mean, when you are close to the max and can back down.

I did the video’s pretty religiously even though I found out the true meaning of “thunder thighs” when I did the jumping sequence and landed like an elephant. Since when did I become so ungraceful or have the inability to land softly? I was pretty proud of myself when the instructor singled out the forty-year-old lady and was impressed that she was hanging with them, and I literally talked back to my television and said, “Check out this old lady!”

After a month, I noticed I lost about four-and-a-half inches and was pumped up. I managed to do the fit test again and saw a big improvement and I was able to breathe throughout the whole test! Then it was time to start the second set of videos. These were fifty-five minutes long and MUCH harder. No one said anything about increasing the workout time in the infomercial! I was all set to start my Monday session and they had to go and do this to me! Here I was, touting my prowess about hanging with the 20-somethings to all my friends and co-workers and now this. I did attempt to do the video and there was one or two that I did all the way through; however, my max heart rate got to within death’s door a few times. Then it happened, my back went out on me.

I never had a problem with my lower back in my life, so this was a huge concern for me. I couldn’t bend over, I could hardly sit for any length of time, and I was in pain. So, off to the Chiropractor I went. He asked me how it went out or what I may have been doing to cause it to go out on me. I had to admit to the videos and he asked what some of the moves were. Needless to say, “we” came up with some moves that weren’t particularly good for my body, “at this time in my life.” At this time in my life? He means OLD. Now I know what my grandfather said about his mind thinking he was young, but his body not agreeing. Damn.

My back is great now and I am contemplating doing some of the initial videos when I get stuck inside due to the weather. See, my mind won’t let me accept my true age and obviously with this way of thinking, I will get myself into trouble again just like a younger person would. Maybe that isn’t such a good thing but I’m going to fight this aging thing until I have no choice. I’ll just use my maturity to maintain moderation, I guess that is the compromise I’ll have to make at this ripe old age of forty-six.

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