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Benji McSimmons

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Benji McSimmons

Lately, I've been really into alcoholic beverages.

Stories by Benji McSimmons

The winter air wafts through the cracks in your kitchen window. Like a frosty spirit, it drifts through the living room and seeps underneath your...
I see visions. Flashes. Snippets of your life. And like all visionaries, I simply report what I see. Sure, I’m blunt. Yes, I’m harsh. But...
It’s May! Time to take off that turtleneck and put on a thong bikini! Indeed, I see many things for you in the upcoming month—many hot,...
Leo Another month on Planet Earth begins: The scourge of terrorism still preys on the innocent, the rich are getting richer while the poor are...
It’s that time of the year again. Cold outside. Warm inside. Family. Holidays. Drunken, red-faced, belligerent rants at the dinner table. I...
Cheap. Simple. Delicious. Smooth. Fun. Happy. Tipsy. Drunk. Sick. Toilet. Fetal position. Weeping. 2 oz Bourbon 4 oz Ginger Ale Mix the...
  7 cups water 3 cups bourbon whiskey 12 oz frozen lemonade concentrate 12 oz frozen orange juice concentrate ¾ cup sugar 2 cups...
Aries When taking a road trip this month, consider this warning from the stars: at some point on the trip, you’ll probably have a hair-trigger...
Whether it’s incessantly chatting on a cell phone or listening to an MP3 player, or chatting on a cell phone that’s also an MP3 player,...
They’re everywhere—organic and locally operated food stores. What’s your favorite? Mine is Paul’s Fruit Market in...
Do you flip for Organic figs? Do you gorge yourself on fresh-picked, locally-grown summer squash? Would it be impossible for you to live without your...
Garmin and I have a complicated relationship. Probably a sick, twisted relationship when I think about it.   Yes, it’s a machine. (In...
Is the used car lot becoming a thing of the past? Are the endless car-for-sale ads soon to disappear from the local newspaper?   Probably not...
Of all the different romantic compatibility tests in newspapers, web sites, magazines, and books, Chinese astrology is the most outlandish. Find the...